My Tantra Experience of Love, Surrender, and Transformation
Oct 03, 2025
A heavy and dramatic situation at the age of 14 opened into a mysterious and miraculous space of benediction.
In searching for the answer as to what happened, I found myself drawn to Meditation and Tantra as a spiritual path, where I found the answer. I simultaneously found answers and the potential for healing for all the misalignments that plague our world.
A Life-Changing Night at Fourteen
It was evening in Riverside, California 1969. I was 14 years of age, all dressed up in a fringed mini skirt, hitchhiking to a dance at the local university on the edge of the city. Two men, one fat and one thin, driving a truck picked me up. Instead of dropping me off at my destination, they continued on the highway past the university, eventually taking off into the hills. Night was falling and as they left the city behind, darkness prevailed.
They turned off the highway into what was called ‘the badlands’, driving on a dirt road beyond any hope of help. The local newspaper just that week had published an article reporting rapes and murders, which had been happening in that area.
My last coherent thought was, “It is not my destiny to be raped and murdered.” Then I slipped into a state of pure shock, which was similar to a trance state. Normal reality shifted and a portal opened which revealed another dimension and way of experiencing reality.
The Voice That Spoke Through Love
Next thing I knew, the truck had stopped and the fat man asked me to step out of the truck. He was very big and strong. His thin companion, who was the driver, stayed in the truck. The fat man told me to remove my clothes, which I did, still in a trance state. He took hold of my arm and began dragging me into the bushes. Suddenly, my whole body was flooded with light and love from some unknown source. A voice from the beyond said: “Put your hand lovingly on his heart.” I did as instructed.
The moment I did this action, the divine presence of unconditional love began speaking through me. I found myself saying things, which revealed an intimate knowledge of this man’s private life. The voice spoke directly to his soul. As the voice spoke through me a radiant light of the beyond surrounded us both. The man’s vice like grip loosened.
He visibly began collapsing with emotion. Finally, he let go and said in a gruff voice, “I don’t know who or what you are or how you know these things you have said. I have never heard a woman speak like you before. It is impossible you are really 14. But if you are, you deserve to live a decent life. C’mon, I will take you back!”
I put my clothes back on and the men drove me back in silence. Just before dropping me off, the fat man said: “I hope you have learned your lesson never to trust strangers.”
Miracles Along the Road to India
I thought of this incident as a mysterious miracle. Later, on during my journey hitchhiking overland to India, more miracles happened. My life was saved numerous times by this same mysterious presence of unconditional love.
As I had been raised in an atheist family, I had no map to draw from in which to place this luminous presence. It remained a great puzzle, till I met Osho and encountered unconditional love in the flesh.
Meeting Osho for the First Time
It was Mumbai, February 1973. I had seen Osho the night before for the first time, giving a discourse on the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, which blew my mind completely. A new-found friend who had invited me to that fateful discourse also invited me to an event Osho was offering the next morning called Shaktipat. About 100 people had gathered around a podium at Chowpatti Beach.
A senior disciple named Yog Chinmaya gave us instruction. We were to hold a marigold flower in our hands and pour our ego into the flower, including all of our suffering and misery. Then, we were instructed to offer this flower to Osho’s feet, in the form of an exquisitely cast golden metal reproduction of his feet.
I was afraid that by doing so I may end up a hypnotized cultist and wanted to run away. However, a calm inner voice prevailed, saying, “You will never know what this is unless you try it. If, having tried it you feel it is not for you, then you can go. No one will force you to be here.” I poured my egoic suffering into the flower, and offered it to the golden feet. The moment I bowed down, a thunderbolt of enlightened presence shot through me from my crown chakra into my feet.
The Alchemy of Transforming Poison into Nectar
After everyone had offered their flower, Osho appeared on the podium in the flesh. He raised his arms towards the sky and rolled his eyes upward. Then he looked at us, or I should say, through us to the very marrow of our being. He told us to give him all of our anguish, to offer this to him through our tears, our screams, all the while looking into his eyes. Bedlam prevailed as all 100 people let loose howls of suffering. This catharsis continued for 20 minutes.
Osho then instructed us to let go and drop to the ground. We lay down any which way, and allowed his voice to caress us from within. “Allow the divine to penetrate you and move within. Feel it, feel it. Your body is the abode of the divine, of unconditional love. Feel the bliss, the harmony as the divine circulates through your body. Allow it. Let go into this silent bliss.”
Osho’s Meditations: From Chaos into Stillness
I emerged from that meditation in total astonishment. I had just encountered the living phenomenon of what it means when poison is transformed into nectar. I had just encountered a man whose sole purpose for being was to swallow the suffering of all beings and to give back love.
Why did he do that? And how did he do that? This became a burning question. In trying to solve it and find the answer, I remained in Osho’s community for 26 years.
The experience of Shaktipat was my introduction to the essence of Tantra. It took me years to understand the potent transmission Osho had offered that morning. Slowly, through Osho's teachings the pieces of the puzzle began to reveal a picture that made sense. The transmission of Tantra as being the path that transforms poison into nectar is indicated when you look at a picture of Shiva, the God who is worshipped as containing the essence of Tantra.
He is shown with the matted hair of a Yogi, sitting on a tiger skin, with a trident in his hand and a cobra coiled around his neck. His throat is blue. It is said that when Shiva and Paravati got married, his assembly contained both Gods and Demons, as he is universally respected. At another time, when a demon wished to take over the universe, it was Shiva who was sent to deal with the situation. He simply swallowed all the poison being emitted by the demon, thus saving the world. Because he had swallowed poison, his throat turned blue.
Osho’s active meditation methods follow the principle of transforming poison into nectar. They may include phases of deep catharsis, where we embrace all emotional states and allow these to be expressed in a state of totality and with awareness. Allowing powerful emotions to be present in us, and expressing them automatically transforms them into their refined aspect. For example, when we allow anger to be expressed with awareness, it is transformed into spontaneity. When we allow our sadness to be lived in consciousness, it is transformed into inspiration. When we allow fear as a door into meditation, we discover trust hiding just behind the fear.
In fact, each life aspect that we normally shy away from or reject, is simply life force energy that has not found how to be lived with totality. Like a river that has been dammed, our energy becomes stagnant. The moment we allow deep expression we have opened the door for transformation.
In each of Osho’s meditations, if there is catharsis, silent witnessing will always follow this. A protocol such as this allows us to move from the subconscious to the soul bringing balance and harmony within.
Atisha and the Wisdom of the Heart
A mystic that Osho has praised beyond measure is Atisha, a great Tibetan Master. It is Atisha who has cracked the code of what transforms poison into nectar. He created a genius meditation method which if practiced regularly, offers every human being the opportunity to experience inner mastery. Atisha was a devotee of the Goddess Tara, she who helps adepts traverse the suffering of the world and discover a peaceful and abundant life. Atisha meditated for years, discovering what meditations and devices can be used to ease human suffering. He believed that each human being had a birthright to know ultimate bliss.
The master key he discovered is the human heart, and by association, the heart chakra. Below the heart chakra are 3 chakras, all dedicated to the earth and issues linked to our animal nature.
The Heart as Bridge Between Body and Spirit
Above the heart chakra are three chakras, all linked to the sky and to transcendence. The heart is the bridge between the dense physical world and the world of spirit. In Chinese Medicine the heart is known as the Emperor or Empress, and is the guiding light of all organs in the body. The qualities contained in the heart are love and joy. Whatever is offered to the heart as a consciousness practice is automatically transformed into love. Whatever is not love is burned by the power of love.
Love as the Greatest Healing Force
What makes the heart so powerful and why can I say this statement with so much assurance? Because, in our universe, Love is God and God is Love. We are conceived in love, we are born in love, we are meant to live in love, and we die into love. In fact, all of life swims inside an ocean of love. To ask, “Where is love?” is like a fish in the sea asking, “Where is the water?”
When we repress our emotions and physical ways of being that people normally consider to be bad, sinful or negative, we simultaneously repress our ability to love. What is needed is a quantum shift, where we realize that love is the most powerful force in the universe. We let go of trying to control ourselves, and instead, simply offer whatever is not serving us, to the heart, where it is transformed into love. It takes a little practice, but one day or other, the shift will happen and waves of relief will flood your being.
Love is omnipresent in the universe, and during the dramatic experience I recounted in the beginning of this article, somehow or another, I found myself opened to the reality of love and let love speak through me. This led to the transformation of that situation.
Having done healing work in conjunction with meditation for many years, I can say without a doubt that love is the greatest healing force that exists. All dimensions of birthing, living and dying respond to love as the catalyst for positive transformation.
If we have a lot of protection around our heart, it is possible to melt this slowly. Over time, the heart will unveil its supreme quality.
In Tantra, Love and Meditation are woven together. In other words, the love I am indicating is not mushy and sentimental. It is intelligent, wise and compassionate. It can be these qualities because it knows it is the ocean of truth for this world.
Women as Portals of Tantra
Traditionally, in Tantra the woman is the portal into the mysteries of spirituality. It is for this reason that Atisha was a devotee of Tara. Women are the initiatresses in the world of Tantra for the simple reason that women are deeply aligned with the heart.
When a man surrenders himself to love as embodied in the divine feminine, he is literally offering himself and all his manly qualities to be in service of love. If men follow this precept, then this world will be a very different place than it is now. I am not speaking about women becoming superior to men and enslaving them, Far from it. If both women and men surrender to the power of love, then we will know a world full of bliss and beauty.
The Two Steps of the Spiritual Path
I have heard Osho say something very interesting. There are only two steps on the spiritual path. The first step is easy for women and almost impossible for men. The second step is very easy for men and almost impossible for women. The first step is surrender and the second step is letting go into the void.
The woman is the initiatress for the man. Once he has surrendered and passed through her love portal, he is then ready to journey on his path of Meditation and Tantra. Once he has journeyed to the ultimate, he is then ready to initiate her into the quality of the void and pure consciousness.
When a woman travels the path of love and opens to spiritual rebirth, she will flower into Consciousness and Meditation. When a man travels the path of Awareness and Meditation, he will find himself flowering into love. Men and women are mirrors for each other. We simply need to learn to polish our mirrors till they shine.
FAQ
What is a Tantra experience?
A Tantra experience is not just a sexual practice, it is an immersion into sacred sexuality and the present moment. The word Tantra comes from ancient tantric texts that spoke of expanding consciousness through the body, through breath, through pleasure. Most people expect techniques, but what unfolds is a deeper level of self-discovery: emotions that once felt heavy turn into openings, desires reveal their true power, and sexual energy becomes a current that touches every part of life.
What happens during a Tantric session?
During a Tantric practice or workshop, the body becomes a sacred space where healing, intimacy, and spiritual growth meet. A teacher may guide you through visualization techniques, eye gazing with a partner, breath work, or sacred rituals that awaken energy centers long forgotten. Other participants may be sharing the same journey, each carrying past experiences, beliefs, and desires, yet in that shared moment, everyone connects to something larger. The session can include mantras, movement, or meditation, but its essence is love meeting awareness. Sexual practice in Tantra is never limited to sex, it is the exploration of consciousness itself, where masculine and feminine meet, where emotions soften, and where freedom arises from being fully present.
What happens at a Tantra retreat?
A Tantra retreat is an immersion into a world where the usual rules of everyday life are set aside, and participants are invited into sacred rituals, practices, and teachings that awaken both spirit and body. You may enter a circle of other participants, guided by a teacher who speaks from ancient tantric texts as well as new religious movements that keep the tradition alive today. Days may include yoga, meditation, breath work, mantras, and workshops on intimacy, sexuality, and relationships.
At times you may practice Tantra with a partner through eye gazing, touch, or sacred sexuality rituals; at other times you may sit alone in silence, expanding consciousness through meditation. The retreat becomes a living field of masculine and feminine energy, where every practice, from the most tender touch to the fiercest release of emotion, is a doorway into enlightenment. The benefits of such a retreat stay with you, reshaping your understanding of life, love, and connection long after you return home.
